I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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