And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
