Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
