This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she told me i tasted like america
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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