It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
