Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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