i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
