There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
