how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
