my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
