I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
