if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
