Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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