found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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