i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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