im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
