TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize