You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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