Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
