My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
