His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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