OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
