He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
