My nipple is on Facebook.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
