Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize