Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
