I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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