I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
