we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
