He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Couch. On fire.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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