3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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