that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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