I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why didn't you poke me back
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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