More tranny stories later!
You smell like stripper and shame
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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