1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
