Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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