She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
