Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
