I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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