I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
