dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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