margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize