no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
