You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize