I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
