??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
