I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
