where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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