If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
