i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
