she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
